


I'll take care of you

by night_books



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Animal Abuse, Animals, Blood, Brothers, Character Deaths, Child Abuse, Christmas, Homophobia, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Character, Snow, Swear Words, Twins, close description of injuries, injuries, slurs including "retarded" and "fag", underage tipsiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/night_books/pseuds/night_books
Summary: Christmas for the main characters of my novel when they are nine years old is not fun. Enjoy.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3
Collections: SL Discord Writing Events





	I'll take care of you

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy the pain. If there are any warnings/tags/whatever I've forgotten, feel free to tell me because I'm a moron when it comes to those.
> 
> Also, Idk, I've never done this before, but please do not copy any of the characters, world building and story? It's... kinda my own.
> 
> As my friend Tsu said: It's produced as part of fannish culture

Xeo tripped.

It wasn‘t an unusual thing, he always tripped. Everywhere, all the time, tumbling down stairs and running into walls if he wasn‘t paying attention. Cieran always said, if he hadn’t had the luck of being born into a noble family, he’d long be dead. Then again, Cieran was also the one who made sure he didn’t fall down the entire flight of stairs, and somehow always seemed to be there in time to catch him.

“Will you watch it?!” The words sounded harsh but Cieran laughed as his hand wrapped itself around Xeo’s upper arm and yanked him back. “One day even I can’t catch you and you’re gonna break your neck. Unless of course you learn how to _use your damn powers_.”

“It’s not like I choose not to know how to control it,” Xeo muttered, brushing off his sleeve. “He won’t let me attend classes. If it weren’t for you, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t know a damn thing.”  
  


“Language.”

“Oh, come on! You say it all the time!”

“Yes, but I happen to be five years older.” Cieran grinned at him. “So I’m allowed to say that.”

“Blah blah blah.”

Cieran laughed, tousling Xeo’s hair affectionately. “Oh, now, come on. It’s not that bad. Why use swear words anyways? You’ll sound like dad one day.”

Xeo didn’t answer, only cracked a halfhearted grin. He knew Cieran had meant for it to be a joke, but nothing was more terrifying to him than becoming like his father. As soon as he was old enough, he’d take a knife, walk into the woods and  take a blood oath by the nymph quarry— never to become his father . He had read about something like that; a kind of promise that would be set in your blood forever. A promise you couldn’t break.

“Perk up, little brother!” Cieran punched him lightly as they went down the last couple stairs and turned a corner to see the great dining hall. He spread his arms in an open, warm gesture. “It is Christmas, after all.”

No matter how dark his thoughts might have been beforehand, no matter his father’s fury—there was nothing that couldn’t be blown away and into smithereens by the sparkling, glittery ornaments in the entire great hall. Wreaths had already been strung around the handle of the stairwell, and the entire castle had looked more festive, but it was nothing compared to the grandeur in the dining hall. The long tables had already been set up and plates and cups sparkled in the light of the thousand tiny fairies that flopped lazily throughout the room. Wreaths and ornaments were on the tables and on the walls, hanging from the ceiling, all in the festive colors of green, golden and red.

But the thing that really made Xeo squeal was the snow that was just below the ceiling, looking as if it was falling down, but  stopping several feet above the tables and bounc ing back up. Someone must have asked the servants to bring in fresh snow and then a noble messed with gravity and temperature.  Xeo loved this part of the holidays. The way everyone contributed in a way, the way the entire atmosphere changed when this day came.

And then of course there was the dinner at the evening of the 24 th . Father often didn’t want Xeo to come down for dinner, because he always discussed business and debts throughout. Talk for which he deemed Xeo too young. He supposed he understood that reasoning—he had only just turned nine, after all—but he couldn’t help feeling lonely when both his brother and his father went downstairs for the communal dinners while he was sitting in his room with some service from the kitchen, mostly all alone.

Christmas, however, was different. He was in, on those days, when it seemed like the nobles just wanted to celebrate and never stop.  Father could never forbid him to attend those huge dinners, when no one seemed to care who was there and who was not, anyways. 

It was a holiday.

People didn’t want to think. They wanted to laugh and drink and talk and stuff their faces with the most delicious foods.

“I hear they have hired a traveling circus for entertainment tonight,” Cieran said, excitement swinging in his voice. “Like with a bear and velvet cats and everything!”

“A bear?” Xeo shrank back. “Aren’t they… dangerous?”

“Well, I’m sure they know what they’re doing,” Cieran said, laughing lightly and slinging an arm around his brother’s shoulders. “Besides, I’m there! Nothing to worry about, right?”

Xeo looked up at his brother and smiled widely. “You’re right,” he admitted. “You’re there. You’ll protect me.”

“That’s exactly right.” Cieran seemed very content and flexed his arms a bit. “You got it, little brother. Nothing to worry about.”

They hung around the great hall for a bit longer, watching the servants set everything up and buzz around the corridors and rooms of the castle. On days like this it seemed to Xeo as though the castle was a living thing—like a huge living thing that sustained hundreds of other living beings, keeping it safe in its body. Cieran made a fun of sneaking into the kitchen and stealing a couple little cakes that would be one of the desserts for that night, giving Xeo a huge share. They only left when a few adults entered the hall, annoyed by the kids.

“Seriously, can’t you ever just leave it alone?” One of them hissed, as he almost stumbled over them, accidentally kicking Xeo in the ribs. He flinched, rubbing the sore spot. “You kids just have to be everywhere all the time, right? Can’t ever just stay out of the way?”

“You better move on, if whatever you’re doing is so important you can’t even apologize to my brother for hurting him,” Cieran spoke up, wrapping a protective arm around Xeo. “Unless you’d like my father to hear about this.”

“Your father.” The noble man scoffed. “Why the heck would that bother me—”

Another man  with long, black hair  stepped  to the front, pulling the mean one to the side and whispering something into his ear. The man paled.

“Oh,” he said.

Cieran smirked darkly. “Yes, oh. Is there anything you’d like to say?”

The man made a weird movement and Xeo turned away slightly, pressing his face into Cieran’s jacket. He felt his grip tighten reassuringly.  But then all the man did was to get on his knees in front of him,  probably so he could look him in the eyes as he spoke.

“Sorry, kiddo,” he said in an odd voice, reaching out to take Xeo’s hand. He jerked back, against Cieran, and his brother let out a low growl. The man put up his hands.

“Fine, whatever. I’m sorry, alright?” He looked up at Cieran, who smiled thinly and nodded. He quickly got back up, muttered something to his companions, and the small group left, crossing the great hall and walking towards a hallway Xeo knew led to a room his father spent a lot of time in.

C ieran let go of Xeo and knelt down in front of him, doing the same the man had done just a second ago, and taking Xeo’s little hands into his. They felt warm.

“I’m sorry he did that to you,” he said, his eyes still a hint too dark. “He’s not gonna hurt you again, I promise.”

Xeo just smiled, shaking his head slightly. “It’s alright. I can take it.”

Cieran made a face. “I know,” he said. “I know, but you shouldn’t. It’s alright if it hurts, you know. You don’t have to be perfect.”

Xeo shrugged slightly, looking away. He didn’t quite know how to answer to this. Shouldn’t he be perfect when other people were around? Wasn’t that the only reason Father let him  attend the dinner that night? Shouldn’t he avoid showing pain? Because pain was a weakness, and he wasn’t supposed to be weak.

“Hey, you hear me?” Cieran was still looking at him, worry etched into every line of his face. He looked so much older. Different, in a way. He was five years older, of course he looked different. But just how much between them wasn’t similar anymore? Would he look like that in five years? Cieran clicked his tongue impatiently. “Hey, how about we go outside, hm? It’s snowing, we could build a fortress.”

T hat certainly perked him up.  They didn’t go back to their rooms to get warm clothes, so they spent all their time outside building a fortress of snow with cold, clammy fingers, that slowly turned red and then white. When dusk came and the sun set, leaving red and orange golden sparkles on the puffy white snow, Cieran decided it should be about time to go back inside.  Xeo was still laughing when they made their way through the corridors, stopping at a torch on the second floor to bring some warmth back into their fingers.

F ather wasn’t there when they reached their rooms, which Cieran took full advantage of. He pulled pillows and blankets off all the beds and arranged them in front of the open fireplace so Xeo and he could sit comfortably in front of it and get warm while they ate the rest of their  stolen goods .  Outside of their cozy rooms, they could see the sun setting through the huge glass windows and  when Cieran opened it for a split second, a  waft of fresh, warm, sweet music was carried towards them on the wings of the  icy  wind  biting their skin .

X eo almost tripped when he got up hastily, scrambling towards his brother and wrapping his arms around his waist, looking for more warmth.

“What is that?”  
  
“People, little brother,” Cieran said, sounding somewhat melancholy. “Those are people, just like us. No matter what father tells you, these people are us. They’re just missing one asset. We’re just lucky enough to have been born into the right family.”

Xeo looked up, following his brother’s gaze. He was looking at the stars. He could still hear those songs, melancholy and sweet and yet so bitter. “It sounds sad.”

“That’s because they probably are.” Cieran shrugged slightly, putting a hand on his shoulder to keep him warm and adjusting his jacket so Xeo was covered by it, too. “There are a lot of things wrong in this world, little brother, but don’t you worry. We’re gonna fix it one day, you and me.”

Xeo smiled happily at those words. He liked it when Cieran talked like this. Laying out their future. He never wanted to leave his brother’s side. For some (very good) reason he always felt safe with him; the one person he could trust, the one person who would never hurt him.

He felt a sort of peace flood his veins, slowly calming him down, and he relaxed, curling against his brother’s side. “The stars are really beautiful.”

“Aren’t they though?” Cieran sighed. He seemed very content. Happy even. “Do you see that big star right there?” He reached out, slender hand dancing through the air until it settled. “It should be the brightest one.”

“Yes, I see it!” Xeo stared at it, too afraid to close his eyes in fear of losing sight of it again. Such a ridiculous fear, and yet… “Does it have a name?”

“All stars have names,” Cieran said. “It’s just a thing of us naming them for ourselves because we try to possess everything. This one is most commonly known as the northern star. Remember he book I’ve read with you? The one with the people on sea getting lost?”

Xeo nodded eagerly. He remembered that story well. He remembered all the stories Cieran read to him, but he had liked that one especially.

“Well, they used exactly that star to navigate during the night and the early morning hours and that’s how they found their way home. That’s all we gotta do, just follow that star.” Cieran got quieter, appearing to be lost in thought. “Who knows, maybe one day we can find our own home. If we just follow it long enough.”

Xeo looked at the star with a new mindset. Home. If he followed that star, one day he’d find his way home. Except wasn’t this his home? Where he was raised? Where he’d been born? More importantly, where his brother was.

As long as he was with his brother, he was home.

“ARE YOU TWO BLOODY MORONS ACTUALLY RETARDED?!”

Xeo flinched violently as the loud voice bellowed through the room and outside to the balcony where Cieran and he were standing. He could feel Cieran’s hand on his shoulder tightening just a tiny bit.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT THERE WITH THE BLOODY WINDOW OPEN? DO YOU WANT ME TO FREEZE TO DEATH THE SECOND I COME HOME?!”

That seemed a little odd a statement, Cieran and Xeo had been standing outside for a while now and they were still very much fine. However he didn’t dare mention it, and simply caught his breath for the real anger to come. Sure enough, he hadn’t even been able to prepare himself for the onslaught of fury when a hand grabbed him by the neck and hauled him back inside mercilessly, throwing him to the ground without even watching where he landed—which was a little too close to the fire.

He could feel the searing heat against his skin, burning part of his wrist before he rolled away, scrambling backwards, away from the fire, away from Him, as he dragged Cieran inside as well now, albeit a lot gentler. He quickly let go of him, too, when Cieran wriggled himself out of his grip impatiently, brushing off his sleeve as if it were simply an inconvenience.

“Father, we were just—”

“And _what_ have I told you about this apartment, huh?” He had already whirled around, facing Xeo again who curled up tighter in himself, pressing the injured wrist close against his upper body, trying to blink back the tears of pain and fear. “I TOLD you that it should always be kept in pristine appearance! No messing things up, no… no _meddling_!” He was literally spitting the word, taking a threatening step towards Xeo.

“Please, Daddy, I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t think—”

“Yes, well, you never do, do you?” He hissed. Xeo could see Cieran in the background, shifting uncomfortably. He lunged and Xeo couldn’t stop the tiny yelp of fear, expecting the blow to hit his face or his stomach, putting his arms up in front of him and curling up. However, He simply grabbed his upper arm tightly, yanking him to his feet and dragging him back to the fireplace.

“You are gonna clean all this up, you got me,” He snarled, fingernails digging into the skin of his upper arm painfully. His grip was a little too tight, too. That would surely leave some bruises. Not his first ones, definitely not his last ones, either. “You got me, you little fag? Clean this up _now,_ or you will live to regret going against my rules.”

Xeo pressed his lips together, not letting another sound escape his lips as he nodded, knowing how much the admittance of pain or fear antagonized his father. He could feel the grip around his arm tighten even further, digging into his flesh and he forced out a “Yes, daddy”.

He let go, the sudden release making Xeo stumble and fall to the ground.

“Good.” He took a deep breath, smoothing his robes. “Good. Now, I have to attend a last meeting with the inner circle before dinner. You better have this cleaned up by then, brat, or you won’t be going. Son, a word?”

Xeo focused on the ground in front of him, the furs, blankets, pillows Cieran and he had pulled off all the beds and sofas. He could see his brother moving, away from the window where he’d been standing, walking past him and towards father. Xeo could hear them talking, quietly, until daddy snapped “I don’t fucking care!” and slammed the door shut.

There was a sudden, very intense silence. Xeo didn’t look up, didn’t even dare breathe, as he waited. Then there was a soft sigh from behind him and all tension left him, and he started shaking uncontrollably. He managed not to cry. He couldn’t allow himself to cry. He had work to do, but his hands were too shaky, all energy had left him. He could feel Cieran stepping closer, then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he got on his knees next to him.

“I’m sorry, Xeo,” he whispered, “I’m so sorry. Show me your wrist.”

Xeo shook his head fervently, pressing it closer against his body. “N-no time,” he whispered, reaching out with the other hand to grab one of the pillows. “It’s… it—it’s okay. It will heal, you k-know it does. It always does.”

“Doesn’t make it okay,” Cieran growled and quickly softened his voice when Xeo flinched. “I’m sorry, little buddy. Here, sit down and take it easy. I’ll clean this up and then we’ll see the physician, okay?” He took a hold of Xeo carefully, helping him get up and guiding him towards the chair. “Come on, sit down. I’ll have this done in a second.”

However Xeo had just sat down when he began squirming uncomfortably, throwing a look over his shoulder again and again. Cieran had just readjusted the pillows on the sofa when he wriggled himself down from the chair, grabbing one of the blankets.

“Hey, no, what are you doing?” Cieran seemed a mix of amused and frustrated, taking the blanket from him while being careful so he wouldn’t accidentally touch his bad wrist. “I told you to sit down and rest. No need to get that infected.”

“If he—if he comes back and… and sees I’m not working on it—”

“No.” Cieran shook his head. “No. You heard him, he’s going to a meeting, and you know these people! That can take hours… however it probably won’t because the dinner starts in one. Please, just—ugh.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Just please sit down. I can’t have you getting sick now. It is Christmas after all, isn’t it?”

“Mh,” Xeo muttered. He felt weirdly tired, exhausted, like he just wanted to drop right there and then and sleep. He couldn’t. He couldn’t sleep now because it was only in the late afternoon and there was a dinner to attend that he really wanted to be at, not to mention his father would kill him if he didn’t show up. “Okay.”

“Good. Now sit. I’ll have this fixed and _then_ we’ll fix you.”

“He won’t like that.”  
  


“Yeah, well, I don’t really care.” Cieran grabbed another pillow and propped it up against the back of the sofa carefully, fluffing it out. “You’re hurt. He’s not here. He can’t keep me from taking you to see the physician.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry,” Xeo whimpered, jerking slightly as pain shot through his burnt wrist. “I’m sorry I… I made trouble—”

“No, hey, _no_!” Cieran dropped the pillow and went down on his knees in front of Xeo, taking his small hands into his own, fingertips ghosting over the burnt spot. “No. Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault. I did this, remember? It was my idea to put all those pillows in front of the fire, my idea to open the windows and look at the stars. I’m so, so sorry this happened, we’ll take care of that burn, I promise.”

E xcept they didn’t get to that.

By the time Cieran was done,  they only had about ten minutes left before the festive dinner officially started. Father would expect them downstairs by then.  Cieran carefully inspected Xeo’s wrist, turning it gently in the light before rifling through the cabinet.

“I don’t think we should wrap it in gauze, we don’t want it to stick to the skin,” he muttered. “However, we also don’t want it to be seen by people, so you’ll have to wear long sleeves. Don’t want it to get infected though, so these will have to do.”

He set out some strange herbs and a small box with a salve which he cautiously put on Xeo’s wrist, wincing at the pained sounds. “I’m sorry, buddy.  Once the dinner is over, we’ll go straight to the physician, okay?” He pulled him into a tight hug,  allowing Xeo to bury his face in the fabric of his brother’s robe and let a couple tears slip from his eyes . “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I’m sorry.” He grabbed onto Cieran’s shirt, holding on tight as if it could somehow save him from all this. Of course, it could not. How could it ever get better? He was trapped in this place, and until the day his father died, he would be tethered to him, his wishes, his demands, his threats. “I—I’m sorry. I’ll fix it, promise,” he sniffled as Cieran took a step back and he was forced to let go, quickly hiding his tears. “I won’t make him angry anymore, I promise. I’ll be good.”

“I know you will.” Cieran reached out, tousling his hair softly before he took his hand and tugged on the sleeve a tiny bit, making the injury disappear, as if it had never existed. Clean, normal. All he had to do was act on it, and he shouldn’t have a problem with that. Right?

“Come on, let’s go,” Cieran said in a low voice, helping him off the chair that was a little too high for him so his feet couldn’t touch the ground. Cieran always said the chairs were simply too big in this castle, like everything else a showing off from the nobles that everything in here was better and bigger and shinier. But sometimes Xeo though that he was just too small. He certainly felt like it.

“Take my hand, all the way downstairs, you got me?” Cieran said quietly next to him as he opened the doors. A waft of delicious warm smells brushed over them and Xeo’s nose twitched slightly as he obediently reached out to take his brother’s hand. “Now, we can’t be seen holding hands when we go in, you know what they would think of it. What father would think of it.”  


A chill went down Xeo’s spine and he nodded hastily. “I know. I won’t disappoint him.”

“Of course you won’t, buddy,” Cieran whispered. “But when we sit down on the table, I’m gonna sit next to you and you can take my hand under the table. No one will see, don’t worry. Just squeeze my hand if the pain gets too bad and I’ll figure out a way to get you out and to the physician, alright?”

“You don’t have to.” He tried to be as quiet as possible, especially since those hallways were echoing loudly with each step they took. “You know father won’t like that, and I… I wanna eat, you know?” He tried to sound brave, and he knew Cieran wasn’t buying it. But sometimes, a lie was all they had.

“Alright fine,” Cieran grumbled. “But if anyone there hurts you again, I’m gonna do something, whether you approve or not. It’s enough for the day, you need to get some rest.”

Xeo squeezed a tiny bit, just for reassurance. “I’m fine.”

His wrist burned and hurt, as if trying to undermine his statement, but he simply grit his teeth. He wouldn’t let it show. He couldn’t.

When they reached the last couple stairs, Cieran’s grip loosened a bit and Xeo wriggled free, knowing very well that his brother didn’t actually wanna let go. The smells were overwhelming, but for the first time in a very long time, it was the good kind.  Xeo simply couldn’t get enough of putting his head back and drawing it all in; as if he could keep those heavenly smells and remember them should he ever go hungry.

However they had accomplished it, the dining hall was even more festive now. There were actual trees standing along the walls, decorated to the top with the most beautiful, delicate glass figures and sparkling lights that were probably domesticated fire fairies  sitting in the branches.  Holly wreaths were slung all around the pillars and the barricade way up.

The snow was falling low  now , almost reaching the tables before they were bounced back up towards the ceiling by whatever magic held them there. Fire fairies were drifting along lazily, and it took Xeo a while to see that there was a fine net that held them captive between the ceiling and  somewhere  a couple feet above the tables.  Golden plates, goblets and crystal glasses were everywhere on the table, breaking the light and drawing colorful patterns on the walls, and the food had already been served.

“You good?” Cieran asked, close to his ear.

X eo nodded, smiling widely for the first time that evening.  He  _loved_ the evening of the 24 th,  or well, he loved the dinner, he loved the festive mood,  he loved the sparkling lights and the atmosphere. What he didn’t love was the fact that he would be sitting next to or across from his father— and he immediately felt bad for that initial thought.

He shouldn’t be thinking about something this ungrateful. Not now, not today.

“Alright, good then. Let’s go, sit down. Father can’t be away for much longer.”

O f course the seats were placed with a particular pattern—most likely for political reasons, the more important families being closer to the high table, where the counsel always had their meals. It was rather ridiculous, Xeo thought, it wasn’t like they ever talked about important things during dinners… at least he’d never heard them talk about anything important. Then again, as father liked to point out repeatedly, he was a nine year old. What did he know of things?

Cieran was the one who found their seating cards first. They were of marble white paper, fine and thin, and yet somehow it had been engraved with golden letters spelling out there names. Xeo would be sitting just between his father and Cieran would be across from him.  He looked very unhappy about this arrangement, hesitating when he saw it.

“I don’t like this,” he said. “We can work around this, I’ll ask the lord next to you to switch places with me, it won’t be a problem—”

“Don’t, you know that’s not how it works.” Xeo was feeling a bit better, albeit somewhat cold. He shivered slightly, tugging at the sleeves of his shirt. He’d almost forgot about the injury on his wrist, but the movement jarred the burnt skin and Xeo let out an involuntary sharp hiss.

“Xeo—”

“No, it’s… it’s fine.” He shuddered, forcing back the bile. This was a disgusting feeling. It almost felt like he was starting to get sick… except he rarely ever got sick. “It’s fine. I’m okay.”

Cieran hesitated, looking very torn. “If you feel like leaving… if you need the physician…”

“I k-know.” Xeo shrugged slightly. “I know. Thank you, I got it. Let’s just enjoy this dinner, the food smells amazing.”

Cieran let out a soft growl and gently squeezed his shoulder in a sign of support, before he surrounded the table to get to his place. Xeo got closer to his own seat, climbing onto the chair with some difficulty. His limbs were somewhat stiff and the burn wasn’t exactly making matters easier.  Why were those darn chairs so freaking high? That couldn’t be normal.

He could feel Cieran’s watchful eyes on him and looked up to give him a quick smile.  He immediately regretted the swift movement as it made him feel dizzy, and he  reached out with his hand to take the cup in front of him, taking a deep gulp.  It was the burnt hand, which made holding the cup ever so difficult, and he made a small mental note to only use his left hand for that evening.

T he hall filled quickly, many had already been standing around talking to each other when Cieran and Xeo had joined.  More and more were starting to look for their seating cards and taking their places. The hall was buzzing with talk, some distant music and the most heavenly smells Xeo had realized in a very long time.  It took however a lot longer for father to join.  Xeo had resolved to sitting with his hands in his laps so no one could see in case his sleeve rode up, focusing on the good things of this evening.

  
Because technically, a lot of things had been good. Right? Granted, the day hadn’t started out that amazing, father being annoyed at him as usual, and him tiptoeing to the kitchens to get a breakfast. But then Cieran had taken him for an adventurous stroll around the castle, looking for secret passages and short cuts and other entries to the kitchen or the counsel room.  They had stolen little cakes, had looked around the hall— _there had been that incident with the noble man kicking him… accidentally, but that didn’t really matter_ —and then they had spent the entire afternoon, until it had gotten dark, building a fort out  in the snow. They had dragged all of those pillows and blankets in front of the fire and had had an amazing early evening just talking and eating.

So technically, he did have a lot of things to be grateful, right?

He shouldn’t complain about a minor incident, because they had actually done something to anger father. It was his right to be angry about this. He didn’t like it and he feared these flashes of fury, but he couldn’t quite blame him… did he?

_No. Daddy didn’t mean to hurt me._ He shook his head violently, to clear his mind of those dark thoughts—and the fog that seemed to cling to the edges of his vision.  He needed to focus. Focus. This evening was about to get better, too, the festive dinner and the music and the sparkling lights? He loved everything about this, it would be his own fault if he were to be mad and let his own feelings ruin the evening.

“Xeo.” The voice made its way through the cloudy thing that was his consciousness and he looked up drowsily, staring into the dark eyes of his brother. “Xeo. Buddy, you with me?”

H e nodded. He was too emotionally exhausted and, admittedly, in too much pain, to come up with an actual answer right now.  He had to focus on how amazing this evening actually was, and ignore his stupid wrist that wanted to ruin those plans by…  _by making me wanna throw up all over these beautiful, sparkly plates._

Xeo carefully wrapped his arms around his stomach. He was probably just hungry, yes. That had to be it.  Cieran sighed softly, looking up.

“Don’t worry. Not much longer and you’ll get some food in your system, that’ll help.”

Xeo nodded, leaning back and watching the wandering circus that the high council had in fact hired for this night’s entertainment. There were fantastic dancers, making their way elegantly through the crowd, blurring in the masses and yet never really disappearing. There was a huge black bear, collared and on a leash, with dull eyes and a scarred nose. It looked sad more than docile, and Xeo’s heart bled at the sight for a reason he couldn’t quite explain, couldn’t even quite understand. What he couldn’t take his eyes off one second however was the boy doing tricks with the velvet cats.

The velvet cats were very different from the black bear, one of those differences being their wildness. They bared their teeth and hissed and growled, making the crowd jump and laugh nervously a couple times, but they never hurt anyone—because the boy training them had a perfect grip on them. He’d let them play with a range of freedom from time to time, letting them jump over the highest obstacles and walk through fire as if it didn’t touch them.

“Oh right, you weren’t in the wildlife lessons,” Cieran said, as he saw Xeo’s wide eyes—of course he hadn’t been. He wasn’t allowed to attend any of the classes, and yet Cieran said it like it was a new thing to him sometimes. It didn’t matter, he didn’t mean to. He didn’t know the kind of stabbing pain that shot through Xeo when he heard those words, over and over and over again. “Right, so velvet cats, their fur is really soft to the touch, but it’s hard as leather underneath. Nothing can touch them—well, not much natural, that is. Of course they’re still subjected to our weapons and most of our powers.”  
  


He looked happy and somewhat proud saying this—if it was because he remembered or because it was satisfying to him to know that he couldn’t be beat by an animal, Xeo didn’t know. He didn’t really care much either. He just stared at those magnificent beings and then back at the boy training them. He couldn’t be a lot older than him, and had to be a bit younger than Cieran. Maybe thirteen?

There was just something… fascinating about the way he moved around those animals, agile and swift, always in the right place to make sure no one was hurt and everyone could enjoy the show… maybe including the velvet cats—It was ridiculous calling them cats, really, they were twice the size of Xeo standing upright.

He could Cieran smirking at him a little before turning his attention back to the show.

It didn’t take much longer for father and his… friends… to arrive.  Xeo knew they weren’t actually friends, as father said friends were a luxury anyone  with fortune and  money couldn’t afford.  But he didn’t know if there was another word he could call them.

“Good, there you are,” father said without so much as a hello, before sliding onto the seat next to Xeo and mustering him with a weirdly suspicious look on his face. However he didn’t mention anything and Xeo allowed himself to slowly relax.

Maybe they could make it through this dinner without messing up. Or well, without  _him_ messing up, as he was prone to do.

Father leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table and lowering his voice to speak to his other son, however Xeo was still able to hear him. After all these years listening to it and trying not to get it to raise at him, he was able to detect it in a crowded, loud room. Besides, he was sitting next to him, and if he closed his eyes to focus on the sound only, he could understand what they were saying perfectly.

“I see you took care of this situation?” Father’s voice was cool, low, steady. He was annoyed, angered. “Just like I can assume you were the one who cleaned up the mess up in our rooms? Or if that wasn’t the case, he probably just called for servants, didn’t he?” He leaned back again, snorting, and not even trying to lower his voice as he said: “This boy just can’t get anything done, can he?”

X eo locked eyes with his brother who was mid-answering. He just stared at him, right into those dark eyes. The same dark eyes he had. These dark eyes his father seemed to hate so much—on him only, of course. When he could be sure that Cieran was looking at him, he slowly shook his head in a miniature movement.

Cieran let out a soft breath and his hands curled into fists, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at father and nodded,  before looking down at the table, apparently not daring to look at Xeo while father was watching.

“Alright,” father huffed, reaching out to take the cup of wine in front of him. The movement was a little too abrupt and Xeo flinched a little, shrinking back in his chair. Father didn’t seem to notice, which was probably for the best, as he would’ve been annoyed at the fact that his son was such a cowardly faggot. Whatever that meant.

The rest of the dinner—up to a certain point, of course—went on relatively easy, and Xeo found himself relaxing as the evening went on.  Cieran even sneaked him some mulled wine  ( as he was almost fifteen already, he was allowed to drink it  and had it in front of him on the table) , and the alcohol flooded  through  him, making him feel warm and comfy, and somewhat safe.

A nd drowsy.

At first it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like water was an every day option when drinking, usually when someone didn’t drink wine or mead, they had to arrange with milk or the silver nectar of moon flowers, which was pretty rare to come by. So if Xeo didn’t drink milk, he sometimes got some mead  or diluted wine .

Except mulled wine seemed to affect him differently. He certainly felt strange. Not exactly like he was going to be sick, but… floaty. And still like gravity had a much stronger hold on him than usual, which amused him when he thought about the fact that, if he learned correctly, he could kiss gravity goodbye. What else were wings for?

He chuckled.

It was a weird sound, made even stranger by his father casting an annoyed look at him. He knew he should be scared, but he wasn’t. He simply looked away, back at his hands, and focused on his back. He could feel his muscles working—weak, but still agile enough. He could also feel the beginnings of sharp feathers poking through his skin… not too uncomfortable; he just wasn’t used to it.

Never had he loathed his father more for not letting him attend classes. If only he knew how to control it! He just wanted to fly. Why was that such a bad thing? Why was father angry at him for wanting to fly and touch the clouds or… or the snow.

He wanted to fly way up and catch a snowflake in his hand. Just like that.

No, he wanted to  _be_ like a snowflake.  Floaty. Just like he felt now. Without gravity, just dancing in the air. No worries, harmless. And so beautiful. No one wanted to harm a snowflake.

He leaned back a little, looking up at the enchanted snow falling down, down, more down until it almost reached the table and then bounced back up. Then another snowflake down and down and down, floaty and harmless and beautiful. He reached out slowly, feeling like his hand wasn’t exactly heavy and yet felt like lead and so… tired.  He made a grabbing movement, trying to catch one of the falling snowflakes, knowing very well that it was impossible.

But it seemed so enchanting. Who wouldn’t wanna catch a masterpiece like that?

—A hand shot out of nowhere, grabbing his wrist violently and slamming it back down onto the table. It took Xeo a second to be shook out of his daze before he realized that it was father… and it was his burnt wrist. He barely opened his mouth, but the pained whimper still escaped him. He immediately pressed the other hand to his mouth to suffocate the sound in its roots.

“Haven’t you embarrassed me enough for one day?” Father hissed, lowering his voice as much as possible and yet still sounding extremely angry. He looked around as he pressed Xeo’s wrist down against the table even more, making Xeo inhale sharply and shift in his chair. “Can’t you behave like a normal human being just _once_ while we are surrounded by important nobles? Can’t you act for once like you haven’t been raised by a pack of wild animals? Or while we’re at it, like you don’t exist at all?!”

Xeo didn’t want to, he really didn’t.  But something about those words… something in the spiteful hatred that accompanied them, broke the dam that had held it all back during the day. He gave a choked sound as a lump settled in his throat and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.

Father still hadn’t let go of his wrist and it felt like he was about to be set on fire again.

A loud scraping noise startled them both. Cieran had pulled back his chair, standing up abruptly.  His eyes somehow seemed even darker than usual, but he was cold and collected.

“Father, I think Xeophore isn’t doing very well,” he said calmly, voice as icy as the snow crystals falling from above. “I should take him to the physician before he… embarrasses you more than is needed.”

X eo straightened a bit, biting back his sigh of relief that immediately mixed with the suppressed cry of pain still stuck in his throat. But no sound escaped him. Father stared at him darkly and his grip tightened a bit more, as if purposely wanting to hurt him even more, then, suddenly, he let go and leaned back in his chair.

“Yes, son, that is actually a good idea,” he said just as coldly. “He seems to be in… quite a state this evening. He must be confused, maybe he should go to sleep a bit sooner tonight. You’ve allowed him to stay awake a lot longer than usual those past couple nights.”

Xeo hated that patronizing tone. Like his pain, his feelings, his thoughts were any less real because he was a couple years younger than his brother.

“Of course,” Cieran said stiffly, “that’s my fault, I’ll take him back to our apartment.” He cast a stern, meaningful look at Xeo that spoke a thousand words. “Come on, let’s go.”

Xeo was by now feeling quite sick and wrapped his healthy arm around his stomach as he slid down the chair, almost stumbling and falling to the ground. Father made an impatient _tsk_ sound and looked away, taking his wine and talking to the noble seated next to him. Xeo fought himself back up and brought his injured wrist up to rest it against his chest. He tumbled towards the corridor behind the pillars, towards the shadows, knowing theoretically that father couldn’t see him anymore and yet feeling like he was still being watched, judged.

H e reached out clumsily, wrapping his other arm tightly around his stomach because he really was feeling sick now, cold and shaky.  He was dizzy, too, more dizzy than beforehand when he had a cup of that mulled wine, and his heart was beating strangely as well.  He could feel cold stone beneath his hand—the wall—and then someone swooped in and wrapped an arm around his waist, keeping him upright.

“I got you little brother,” Cieran muttered next to him. “Come on, let’s go.”  
  


“I—I’m s-so s-s-sorry,” Xeo whimpered, as he let himself get dragged along by Cieran, leaning heavily against him as they made their way through the corridor and outside, leaving the highly lit dining hall and stepping into the more dimly lit hallway. “I—I’m sorry f-for—”

“Noo, no, don’t worry.” His voice was very quiet, and yet there was a fire in it Xeo had never heard before. He wasn’t sure if it made him feel safer or… estranged. It certainly was different though. “No, you did great. You held out a lot longer than most people would, considering your wrist.”

Xeo’s sight was somewhat blurred, but he couldn’t help raising his hand too look at it with bleary eyes.  Somehow seeing the injury—the  _burn_ —that he got because… because why exactly? Was it his fault? It had been his fault, hadn’t it? Father had pushed him, yes, but he had basically asked for it, he’d messed up. Like he always did.

And yet…

And yet—and he hated to admit it—there were tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and a lump in his throat made it hard to breathe. For a second there he wasn’t sure if he needed to throw up or just finally cry.

And so he did.

They didn’t get much further than down the first couple stairs, not even down to the cellar, when Xeo couldn’t keep it in anymore. His knees buckled and the sudden movement must have startled  Cieran because the grip he’d had on him loosened and  Xeo fell  without even realizing, curling up on the cold stair and sobbing into his arms.  And for the life of him, he could not stop. He didn’t even care about the fact that his big brother was standing in front of him awkwardly, that he usually didn’t even dare cry in front of others.

But they were alone this time, everyone was at the feast and all he wanted to do was cry.  No one cared right now, father wasn’t there, but…

But his arm hurt so bloody much, the pain had spread from his wrist to his fingertips and up his arm, almost reaching his heart.  He felt even colder now, the coldness slamming into him, making him more sick. The mixture of those feelings—desperately, hopelessly crying and at the same time wanting to throw up… he felt like someone had put their hand around his throat and cut off the air… and he actually knew what that felt like from some of the most horrible days for example when his father had gotten home drunk.

“I—I… I’m so… so s-s-sorry,” he gasped out and was immediately cut off by his own issues breathing. He could see Cieran getting on his knees next to him and then felt a hand on his back, moving it in soothing circles.

“Stop it.” He whispered, but his voice was very stern. “There is _nothing_ you have to apologize for.”

“Dad is r-r-right, he… He… I—I j-just—”

“I don’t fucking care if you think Dad has a point or not,” Cieran growled. “That just shows how much he messed you up. Not that I’m saying you’re messed up,” he added quickly and Xeo hiccuped. “But Dad is. What he did to you… He’s never… Xeo, come on, buddy, look at me—hey. Look at me.” 

It took him an incredibly long time and an insane amount of energy, but finally Xeo looked at him with wide eyes, vision blurred by the tears.

“I am so sorry. Okay?” Cieran made a face, he looked clearly disgusted. “I’m so, so sorry he did that, and I’m sorry I didn’t do something about it. I should never have let that happen.”

Xeo just shook his head. He wasn’t sure he even cared about that right now. “Wh—why d-does he hate me so much?” He choked out, voice barely about a whisper. “Is… is there… Is there s-something wrong with me?”

“ _No!_ ” Cieran snapped, grabbing his hands while being careful not to touch the burn on his wrist. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you hear me? Dad is just… he’s…” He let go, running a hand through his hair, desperately looking for an explanation. “You know what, damn it. Who cares why he does that, he doesn’t need a reason—he’s just an asshole. But I will promise you one thing,” he added, cowering a little so he could look into Xeo’s eyes. “It won’t get this bad again. I’ll think of something, I promise. I’ll protect you.”

Xeo wasn’t even able to say anything, he just bit his lip as hard as possible, drawing blood.  Cieran let out a hiss, drawing him into a tight hug.  Xeo just sat there, letting it happen, unable to stop shaking from the sobs wrecking his frame. Cieran’s grip tightened even more, and Xeo could feel him shaking his head a little.

“I’ll think of something. I’ll take care of you. I promise, little brother.”

* * *

There was always a lot to do on Christmas day. Not for Niro and Ally, of course, but for their parents? Every time. It had always been this way on the 24th and the 25th, and Niro thought it would surely be this way for a very long time. Not that he minded it, of course. He actually liked this little routine. Mom and Dad would get up very early on the 24th, trying not to wake them, which, of course, was useless. They would laugh when Ally and Niro stood next to the door, watching them get ready.

“We won’t be long,” they always said, Dad tousling Ally’s hair. “You make sure not to eat too much, you know there’s a huge dinner tonight. You’ll wanna be hungry, believe me.”

Mom would always kiss their foreheads and then they’d take their thick coats and leave.

And it was the same thing this year, too.  As usual, Aline and Niro had rolled out of bed in the early morning, sneaking into the living room where Mom and Dad were already getting ready, slipping on their warm boots. Mom’s red coat fought with her flaming red hair in the most enchanting of ways. She laughed when she saw her kids standing there.

“Every year like clockwork, huh?” She chuckled, tying the boots tight. Snow had fallen relentlessly the last couple nights and days and it would be a long day in the cold. “Will you ever stay asleep during this?”

“Probably not.” Aline said, grinning broadly and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“And we wouldn’t have it any other way,” Mom said, smiling softly. “Just make sure you have some breakfast.”

Dad looked up abruptly from where he was fighting with his own shoes. “But no—”

“No snacks in between, not while we’re waiting for the big dinner tonight.” Aline rolled her eyes but it was obvious that she enjoyed the little banter—same as every year. “Yeah, we know, Daddy.”

Dad grinned and Ally stuck out her tongue.

“Now, behave yourself, you two.” Mom said, fiddling with the clasp of her coat. Niro stretched out an arm, getting on his toes, and Mom bent down a little so he was able to reach it and fix it for her. “Thanks, sweetie,” she said, her emerald green eyes sparkling with joy. “What would I do without you, hm?”

Niro smiled proudly and she laughed, kissing his forehead before she got back up to look at her husband.

“Ready to go?”

“Sure thing.” Dad tousled Ally’s wild hair affectionately and then crouched down in front of Niro, giving him a gentle hug. “Now, make sure you listen to your Mom and behave. Which doesn’t mean you can’t cause a little chaos,” he added, winking at Aline, who giggled.

When he let go, Niro reached up, touching his own hair. “Why do you never do that?” He asked anxiously, reenacting the movement of running his hand over his hair. “Is it because my hair isn’t as pretty as Ally’s?”

“What?” Daddy sounded genuinely confused. “No, that’s not—”

“Don’t worry, sweetie, your hair may be different,” Mom said, kneeling in front of him, “but it’s just as pretty.” She smiled, running her fingers through his white curls. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re not beautiful.”

Niro blinked a couple times, then he nodded softly and Mom gave him a gentle hug as well. “ We just gotta be more careful with you, you know?” She chuckled a little, tugging at his shirt’s collar. “We can’t have you getting bruises on Christmas, right?  Or getting sick, since we’re at it. ”  She got back up. “If you go outside today, make sure to wear a good coat, alright? Other than that, have fun.”

“We will,” Aline said, practically already hopping from one leg to the other. “Promise.”

“Good.” They were already on the door, opening it but turning around for a second to look at them one last time. “We’ll see you later this evening. If we’re not back by the time the dinner starts, go right ahead. Have fun, my darlings, we’ll see you later. Take care!”

“—we love you! Wreak havoc on these old gits!”

“Alister!”

They heard his bellowing laughter, then the door closed and they were alone. Aline was still giggling when she turned around to her twin brother,  green eyes sparkling with joy and mischief.

“Shall we take him up on that?” She asked excitedly, basically giddy with energy. He envied that kind of energy, but in a certain way it was contagious. “Come ooon,” Ally added, grabbing his hands and pulling him towards the door now as well, “let’s create some chaos!”

Niro hesitated for only a second, then that contagious joy took over and he shrugged a little, giggling now as well. “ Alright, yes,” he said, excitement slowly taking over. “But maybe let us get changed first?”

Ally looked down at her nightgown and laughed. “You may have a point,” she said, letting go and sprinting back into their bedroom.

Niro trudged after her, yawning a little as he stood in the floor, hugging himself against the creeping cold, while he waited for his sister to get changed so he could take his turn. They could have gotten separate bedrooms, Mom and Dad had offered when they turned five. However Niro couldn’t imagine for the life of him to be separated from his sister, even for so much as a night and only by a thick wall.  He just couldn’t, and Ally had literally paled when they had suggested it.

A line didn’t take long to get changed and she was out again in a flash, grabbing her thick coat. It was of a dark green which suited her eyes.  She looked a spitting image of Mom, though Dad of course had the flaming red hair as well , and she had many of his characteristics .

Only he was cursed with this colorless appearance.

Not that it seemed to matter to his parents or his sister.  Mom had even called him beautiful.

_Beautiful._

He changed as fast as he could, putting on a second shirt. He shivered a little. He hated the cold, tried to avoid it at all costs. And yet his body temperature was always a couple degrees under  what was considered normal .  The physician had told his parents it was because as a twin, he’d lost all his power to his sister in the womb. It was a miracle he was even alive. He didn’t resent her for being the one with powers—that would be ridiculous. But he really wanted to know what it was like not to feel cold all the time.

“Hey!” Ally’s voice ripped him out of his thoughts and he shook his head a little. “You done by now? Jeez, you take longer than Mom!”

H e put on his coat that hung by the door and went out to see his sister standing by the table. She grinned at him while he put on his boots. “We’re gonna get our breakfast in the kitchen.”

Niro let out a soft groan. “Ally, we’re not supposed to steal from the kitchens!”

“Oh come on, who _cares_?” She laughed. “They’ll be so busy with getting the huge dinner for tonight ready, they won’t even realize!”

Niro rolled his eyes but couldn’t exactly argue with that. Besides, it was Ally. He’d follow her to the ends of the world if necessary. And if she made a plan, she usually stuck to it, no matter what. He might as well make sure he got one of the cinnamon buns they kept at the ready for the most important families.

Sneaking through the hallways was a lot easier than expected at five thirty in the morning. The only people up and running at this time were the cooks, the gardeners and the servants running errands for families. Maybe the high council would meet at a time like this but it was rare—Mom and Dad were both members of the council and never had to go anywhere but the close villages to do ‘the work of the gods’ as the council called it when they first made it happen.

Niro thought it was quite beautiful, choosing at least one  or two  day s when a couple nobles—in that case their parents—and of course some royal guards, went through every adjourning village,  giving out blankets, some warmer clothes to those in need and special foods,  fruits and baked goods, as well as listening to their complaints and promising to work things out in the next council meetings (Niro didn’t know if things were actually talked about and made better, he was too young to be included and he somehow doubted he would be even when he came of age).

“Ni, come on,” Ally hissed hurriedly from across the hall, waving at him, and Niro realized he’d been standing around staring into the air in front of him for a good while now. He shook himself out of his daze and ran through the dining hall, ducking a little to avoid being seen, even though technically most people were still sound asleep. Still, he’d rather be safe than sorry. “What, too tired to be up for it?” his sister joked.

He shook his head. “No, no,” he said. “Just… let’s not be seen, please?”

Aline rolled her eyes. “Where’s the fun in that?” she whispered, wiggling her eyebrows and opening the side door that would lead them into a small corridor used only by the servants to get from one room to the other within the castle without b eing seen .  Niro wasn’t sure if those hidden corridors had been built so the nobles weren’t bothered or because sometimes it was simply more preferable not to be seen.

H e hurried after his sister who closed the door behind them, bathing them into an impenetrable darkness that lasted only a couple seconds until their eyes got used to it.  Aline grinned at him in the darkness. “Let’s get our breakfast, shall we?”

T hey didn’t meet anyone on their way down the stairs, and about two turns before they reached the huge underground kitchens, Niro could already smell it. It was delicious, a million different nuances—he could almost taste them,  and his mouth began to water .  Ally looked quite happy with herself.

“Told you it’s a good idea,” she whispered, close to him, jumping up and down excitedly. “Now tell me, what are you in the mood for?”

Niro shook his head.  “ We’re not doing this again,” he complained, crossing his arms in front of him. “You’re always the one to do the stealing and come back. I always wait here, that’s  _boring_ . If anything we’re gonna do this together. The kitchen has a back exit that goes back up the stairs and directly outside, so I don’t need to be watching out.  Please?” he added, sounding a bit pathetic.

A lly let out a soft growl. “Fine. We go in, you grab what you want, we leave out the back. Don’t stop running, you got me?”

Niro grinned. “Totally.”

Technically, they were in and out of the kitchens within maybe a minute. Most of the servants and cooks were so busy and stressed they didn’t even notice the two small kids running through the room and snatching an apple here, a muffin there. However they were most definitely noticed  when  Niro stumbled and ran smack into one of the bigger ovens. He was lucky nothing was in there because otherwise he would have gotten burn ed bad. He did fall down to the ground and one of the servants currently holding a tray of freshly baked bread exclaimed in surprise and annoyance. Niro just stared up at him, frozen, unsure what to do.

Then someone with a mop of flaming red hair grabbed him by the back of his coat and he was yanked back up and dragged along before he was let go of.

“Keep running!” Ally breathed next to him and then she was in front of him, ducking under the arms of one of the more scary cooks and crawling underneath a table. Niro followed suit. They were back outside from under the table within a second, and someone was walking straight towards them, obviously wanting to stop them. Ally grabbed his sleeve, keeping him close and making a sharp turn, running in a zigzag like a hare being hunted, and flung her arm back in a quick, sudden movement, twisting it a little, fingers dancing in a rhythm that seemed natural to her but Niro would never understand. 

He could hear the sound of things crashing to the floor, people stumbling over sudden gusts of wind, tables being thrown back against the wall. Ally had overdone it a little, that was for sure.

Whoever was following them let out an unspeakable curse that had to have the gods’ ears ringing. However it didn’t matter because just half a minute later, they had sprinted up the stairs in the back leading them to the court outside—the entry everyone used every morning when coming from the village.

Niro stumbled outside,  collapsing on the icy snow next to Ally, who was already  laying there, laughing hysterically as she held their spoils close to her chest  to make sure it wouldn’t get wet from the snow around them, which was high enough to go over their necks as they lay there, catching their breath.

“That… was… _fun_!” Niro got out, clutching his chest as breathing had become a little difficult. He felt a little dizzy and his sister seemed to notice because she sat up quickly, handing him one of the apples and a cinnamon bun.

“There you go,” she said, smiling happily. “I’m sorry for that. Just wanted to get us outta there, and hey, why have powers if you’re not allowed _to use them_?”

“Of course.” Niro quickly shook his head to make sure she knew he wasn’t mad or anything. “I’m good. I told you, it was _fun_. And so worth it.” He grinned and took a big bite of the baked good. “I still don’t get how this is restricted to only the highest families.”

Aline rolled her eyes, shrugging as she took a bite of an apple. “ Because that’s just how stuff works.”

They sat there for a while, in the cold, icy wind biting their cheeks and making Niro shiver a bit more, but he enjoyed every second of it.  When they were finally done—Niro’s fingertips had turned blueish—Ally got up, brushing the snow off her coat and trousers. She grinned down at her brother, who, besides from looking completely different, was also a good bit s maller .

“Wanna go cause some chaos?”

N iro hesitated only for a split second, and only because he felt a tiny bit tired. But that might just as well be from the lack of sleep and getting up way too early, before the sun had risen.  And he wanted to have fun, wanted to have that same kind of energy that his sister was basically bubbling over with. Maybe running along and causing chaos would do the trick.

H e nodded, smiling, and let his sister help him back up to his feet.

“Sure,” he said. “Let’s do something crazy.”

T hey  settled on something fun which would still massively annoy the members of the high council. They had to wait a little because the first meeting that day would be after breakfast, so they spent that time hanging around the castle and outside,  Niro walking a bit slower than his sister, trying to get warm. They had gone for a big walk through the gardens and, following a hunch they both had but couldn’t express, entered the stables.

N iro had been in there only a couple times before  and, just like now, it had always been in the twilight.  The weak rays of gray light that fell inside the room was quickly shut out again by Ally closing the door behind them. Niro had once read somewhere that most of the animals being held here were actually active only in the night time and weren’t supposed to be domesticated. 

T his time the dusty unicorns and the few weak, old horses were herded together and put into one single box, which was way too little space for each of them respectively. They were crowded closely, some of them had actually put their heads on the back of one of the others, just so there was a little more place for them to breathe.

Niro wanted to scream at that.  This seemed very wrong. At least usually they had more place and could reach the bucket of water that was in one of the corners. Like this, there was no way they could get something to drink. He let out a small curse—to which Ally slapped his arm lightly—and grabbed one of the buckets standing on the shelves, going to fill it with water from the well that was built in the middle of the stable. Ally took the time to look at around in the other boxes, from where they could hear light breathing and shuffling.  She pushed open one of the gates. There were still bars in front of the box behind the gate so the animals inside couldn’t run, but it didn’t go all the way up to the ceiling and so if they climbed up a couple of the bars, they could sit on top of it and watch whatever was behind it.

Aline let out a soft sound of surprise and Niro looked over. He couldn’t see what had her in awe like that, but after filling the bucket several times and watering the horses and unicorns until they looked at least somewhat content, he walked over and joined her.

“Here, look at this!” Ally seemed thrilled. She reached down a little when she saw him struggling, helping Niro up to sit on the bar next to her. “I’ve never even seen those outside books! I didn’t know anyone had them in a stable!”

Niro settled carefully, too focused on not falling. His arms and legs were still shaking a little, waiting for the sugar to kick in, and he wasn’t sure if he trusted his  body to stay balanced on this if he didn’t keep a grip on the bars.  He took a breath to steady himself, looked up…

… and the breath caught in his lungs.

“Those are… Those are velvet cats,” he breathed, scared to make any sound too loud. Scared to wake them, bother these magnificent, powerful beings. He had never even seen them outside of books and pictures from wildlife class. “Oh, they’re… they’re _beautiful_.”

“Right?” Ally grinned broadly. “I knew you’d like them! You were basically drooling over the pictures in class last week.”

N iro rolled his eyes, recalling what they had learned about these beings. They usually traveled in packs,  they were active at night and slept during the day.  However they also had a system of sleeping in shifts, always having one of them watch their back in case something dangerous was closing in.  There had to be one awake now… and in fact there was. In the back, crawled up against the wall in a tight ball of midnight black fur, a pair of glowing white blueish eyes was staring at him, not even blinking.  They didn’t have pupils, it more seemed like an entire night sky had fallen down and settled in the blue, like a billion sparkling stars.

_ B eautiful.  _ Those  animals  were  actually  beautiful.

“They must be from the traveling circus they hired as entertainment for the night,” Ally muttered, going through the facts in her head. “I didn’t know anyone had velvet cats that old.”

They weren’t necessarily old but they sure as hell weren’t kittens anymore, and the nobles usually caught them as kittens and killed them once they got older, bigger—a full grown velvet cat could reach  a grown up’s shoulders —, and a nuisance to take care of.  The awake one snarled a little, shaking her head and getting up slowly, stalking over to them. The elegant movements let her black fur twist and ruffle in the smoothest of ways and when Ally reached out, she sniffled on her hand, apparently deeming her alright. Ally grinned happily, letting a hand slip through the soft, heavy fur. Her eyes lit up, the emerald green even brighter than usual.

“It really does feel like velvet!” She gasped.

N iro held his hand out next, waiting for the magnificent being to prowl up to him. Perhaps he should have seen it sooner, however he didn’t even expect it, which was ridiculous in its own way. The cat had just reached him when she hissed and the hair on its back stood on end. She bared her teeth and just seemed to get ready to jump, when an arm wrapped itself around Niro’s waist, pulling him back and off the bars he was sitting on.

For a weird second he thought it was Ally, but that couldn’t be because he saw her, complaining, as he went down. He didn’t land hard on the floor, the arm around him kept him from falling, and only when his feet touched the ground gently, the person behind him let go.  Niro was still trying to catch his breath, his heart beating violently strong, clutching his chest, when Ally climbed back down, complaining bitterly.

“Are you guys insane?” She snarled, putting a protective arm around Niro and looking up at whoever had just saved him. “You shouldn’t bring these animals here _if you can’t even control them!_ Obviously they’re way too dangerous to bring with you! How do you even live with them on the road for months on end?”

N iro finally managed to turn around and look up, surprised to see that his savior was just a couple years older than him, thirteen, maybe fourteen.  He had dirty blonde hair and light gray eyes, squinted at him a little, head cocked to one side as he took in their sight.

“I apologize for that,” he said. He sounded both a little worried and incredibly polite, like Niro’s parents sometimes were when talking to other nobles they weren’t actual friends with. The boy ran a hand through his hair, eyeing Niro with narrowed eyes. “They’re usually very sweet.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Ally hissed, hatred seething in her voice. “It’s not like one of them almost just bit Niro’s face off.”

“Not yours though,” the boy said coldly, turning towards her now. “You must have seen that she was very careful and gentle when she came to you.”

Ally hesitated a little bit, but her grip around Niro tightened whose breath caught in his lungs once again  as he realized the boy was right.  The velvet cat had been perfectly sweet and harmless until she had reached Niro.  Only then had she…

The boy narrowed his eyes a little, cocking his head to the other side as he took in Niro’s appearance a little closer. “Aah,” he finally said and Niro flinched involuntarily. “You’re a twin, aren’t you?”

Niro’s throat got too tight to breathe, let alone speak. He felt weirdly judged. He could feel Ally’s hand on his back, moving in soothing circles, but her voice was full of spite.

“So? What’s it to you?”

The boy let out a dry chuckle, shrugging a little. “Nothing. I don’t care. You’ll wanna keep him from animals though, if you want him to stay alive for much longer.”  He shook his head a little, walking past them and towards the velvet cats, where he patted the guardian cat’s head. She purred a little. “Twins,” Niro could hear him mutter. “And I though the stories weren’t true.”

“Come on,” Ally said, nudging Niro towards the exit, throwing looks back over her shoulder again. “Come on, let’s go. We have to cause some chaos anyways, don’t we?”

W hen they closed the door behind them again, Niro had to blink several times, holding a hand up to cover his eyes. The sun had come out, finally, and the snow was sparkling in the most beautiful, brilliant colors.  Ally screeched happily when she saw that.

“Perfect!” She jumped up and down excitedly. “It’s time now, don’t you think?”

Niro was still a little thrown off by the experience of almost being eaten by an animal he had meant no harm whatsoever, and simply nodded. His mood lightened a lot when they got to work however,  hauling bucket after bucket of snow into the castle. They used a side door that was a lot closer to the council’s chambers so they didn’t have to walk through the entire building—possibly being stopped. No one saw them, and it took them quite a while until enough snow was dumped in front of the door.

A lly grinned at him, wiping sweat off her forehead, frowning a little when she saw him tugging at his coat. “You know, at least you never break a sweat,” she said,  however no  envy  was  tin t ing her voice. “It feels disgusting.” She  laughed .

“Yes. That’s what I love about my existence,” Niro said smiling sweetly. He knew perfectly well that always being cold had a lot of advantages, but it often took a long time to see them. And accept that it would never change.

“Alright, ready?” Ally asked, a little out of breath and yet ever so excited. She was practically giddy, and Niro nodded. She grabbed his sleeve, dragging him with her, behind one of the pillars in a side corridors where they were hidden from view but could still see everything that was happening.

They had timed it perfectly.  It took maybe another fifteen minutes until the council ended their meeting, and because Ally had opened all the windows and little doors close by, the hallway was freezing and almost none of the snow  had m elted .  When the huge doors to the council’s chambers first opened, there was a lot of complaint. First about the obvious cold— _see how I’m feeling all the time?_ Niro though t bitterly—and then about the pile of snow on the ground in front of them.

N iro could feel his sister’s heart beating faster and harder, her excitement growing as she anxiously waited for more council members to leave the room. When she was happy with the amount of people, she looked at Niro expectantly. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes to gather himself, brace himself. Then he nodded.

He could feel the pull long before he opened his eyes again to look if Ally had started.  He could feel the energy being sucked from him, could feel it like someone was draining his blood, leaving him empty and soulless. He opened his eyes again, knowing he’d get dizzy soon and then opening his eyes would be a lot more difficult and he’d feel sick. At least with open eyes he could see it coming.

He could now also see what was happening.  The prank really couldn’t have been planned out better.  They had gotten just enough snow for Ally to use her powers and create a little whirlwind, throwing the snow up and around the corridor in a small storm, circling the council members that had just stepped outside the room, trapping them in a white haze.  He could hear them complaining and whining all the way as they tried to find their way out, Ally moving the snow storm with them so they couldn’t  escape no matter what way they went .

I n retrospect, perhaps it was a little cruel, but if it weren’t for the dizziness and the draining of energy, Niro couldn’t have been happier about their result. And there was no harm in a little prank. Well, at least no harm done to them.

Something wet and hot trickled down Niro’s upper lip and down, until he could taste it. He reached up immediately, stopping the blood flow a little and only succeeded in smearing it around his mouth. He could taste the coppery fluid and held still, trying not to get sick  all over that perfectly cleaned marble floor in front of him . However Aline must have noticed his movements because she turned around. Her eyes widened a little, and she grabbed him by his arm, hauling him up  and down the corridor until they had turned a corner and were officially out of side.

Ally let go of him and he leaned against the wall, breathing heavily as he watched his sister make a swift waving movement with her hand, as if cutting off the energy she used to maintain the little magic used on the pran k  just like that, easily, like it wasn’t even something important . 

He immediately felt it: like a little gate inside him closing that had made it possible for all that energy to leave him.  He felt both incredibly hot and cold, and his head was swimming. From afar, he could hear the complaints and the yelling of the council members, bellowing orders. He felt somewhat sorry for the poor servants having to clean the entire mess up.

“You okay?” Ally asked worriedly, hovering over him anxiously. “You don’t look good. Idiot, why didn’t you tell me to stop?!”

N iro shrugged weakly, bringing a hand to his face to check if the blood was still running. It had stopped, and he pulled back contently. “ I’m okay,” he said. “Besides, Dad always talks about how all these council members are incompetent assholes—”

“Language!” Ally snapped.

“—and Mom might keep correcting him out of politeness, but we both know what she thinks of them,” Niro continued. “They had it coming. Might as well wreak havoc, right?”

Aline narrowed her eyes unhappily. “You’re still an idiot,” she said and used her sleeve to wipe off some of the dried blood under his nose. “ And this kinda hit you a lot stronger than usual. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I told you, I’m fine,” Niro waved off. “It’s just a bit of blood.”

“Well, you should have told me to stop,” Ally insisted, eyes narrowed slightly. “And we’re going to Maven. No way are you gonna brush that off. Besides,” she added, taking his arm and guiding him toward the stairs, “Mom and Dad would kill me if they found out I strained you like that. And they’d have to get in line cause I couldn’t forgive myself if I ever hurt you like that.”

_Y_ _ou’re hurting me all the time._ But that didn’t matter, that was okay. Niro was perfectly fine with that, and he knew that it was simply the price for his existence, an exchange. Power for life.  He didn’t mind. 

Ten minutes later Niro was sitting on the cold steel table in Maven’s ‘office’  in the cellar . He called it an office, at least that’s where people went when they were hurt or sick, and he treated them there. Unless they were too sick, then he paid them house visits.  Niro could see a huge shelf in the small  room down the hall,  filled to the ceiling with the biggest books  he had ever seen. Maven looked up from where he was rifling through a pile on a table and smiled when he saw the look in his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s impressive, right?” He pulled over a chair, sitting in front of Niro who was small enough even when sitting on the table, making it unnecessary for Maven to stand. “There’s not a lot of books in our country, but a lot of the ones I have are from other cultures. They know quite a bit more than I ever a imagined.”

His voice was soft like velvet and as light as silk at the same time.  It was incredibly soothing, almost tiring. Niro could imagine that it was helpful in a profession like that.  He already knew the drill, leaning his head back a bit when he felt his neck, checking for swelling.

“What happened this time?” Maven asked while he worked, his question directed at Ally who was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed in front of her, expression dark, however with his next sentence he clearly talked to Niro. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I was hoping it would have gotten better with time.”

N iro only shrugged while Ally explained that they had been testing her power, which had triggered another episode. It wasn’t really the truth, but not a complete lie either, although Maven seemed to have a hunch about what had really happened.

“Is that so,” he muttered, eyes narrowed a little as he got a wet cloth to wash the blood off Niro’s face, casually checking pupil reaction as he did so. “Well, I can’t see any signs of infection or fever, so obviously it has gotten a little better—maybe Niro is just getting stronger? We don’t know a lot about twins yet, so I’m sorry to say I can’t tell you a lot. However,” he added with a gentle smile, “you’re not getting sick again, I can see that. So as long as you take it easy for the rest of the day, I see no reason why you shouldn’t attend the festivities tonight.”

A lly sighed in relief and Niro grinned happily.

“Thanks,” he said, hopping off the table. “We’ll take care.”

“No, you won’t,” Maven huffed. “You’re nine years old. Kids that age never take care.”

N iro grinned even broader and Maven rolled his eyes, putting away the bloodied cloth. “Now, go then. But I don’t wanna see you down here for another couple weeks at the very least.”

They did take care for the rest of the day, ‘taking it easy’, as Maven had called it.  Ally sneaked off stealing some more food from the kitchen around noon, and they spend all afternoon sitting in front of the fire in their apartment or on the balcony, dangling their feet, playing word games,  watching the gates to the castle to see if they could see Mom, Dad, and their own personal protective detail approaching.

T hey  did not .

It took a lot longer than usual, and Niro couldn’t deny that he was slowly starting to worry.  He didn’t like this at all.  Ally looked at the sun setting, the darkness creeping in, and back inside where the fire in the fireplace was slowly going out as well. It was like the darkness was  _everywhere_ . And they hadn’t had much interpretation class yet, but that sure seemed like a bad omen. Aline looked a little worried, but she simply wrapped her arm around him protectively, giving him some warmth.

“It’s alright,” she said. “They’re probably just late because all that snow delayed their travels. It’s alright, let’s just get ready for the feast.”

T hey did get ready. They stoked in the fire until it was glowing again, heat seeping through all their rooms, making Niro’s skin prickle slightly, in a comfortable way.  They hauled up in front of the fire and talked a bit more, telling some ghost stories to pass the time. They were just in the middle of a really scary one when, suddenly, it knocked.

N iro jumped, making Ally scream in surprise. Somehow they ended up holding onto each other tightly, hearts beating insanely fast.  Ally was the first to break the silence, giggling a little.  It was almost contagious—almost. Not really this time.

It knocked again, sharp knuckles scraping against heavy wood, and Niro had a strange sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, dragging him deep, deep down, until he was drowning in nothingness. There was something wrong. He knew it. He could  _feel_ it happening, could feel the dread settling deep within him and making itself at home. This wasn’t just momentarily. Something was gonna happen, something big, something bad. And he wasn’t going to recover from it.

Was this it? Was this the day he would finally die? He had always known this day would come probably sooner rather than later. He was a twin, after all, the colorless one. It was a miracle he had even survived the birth.  But the age of nine? It seemed so off. And yet, in all the years of Ally being in training, using her powers, draining the life out of him—nothing had ever felt this close to… dying.

H is throat restricted, making it difficult to breathe. It knocked again, violently, much louder this time,  and he flinched, looking up at his sister, taking in her sparkling green eyes, the flaming red hair, the excitement and giddiness about her entire being.  She giggled again, letting go of him and getting up, basically hopping from one foot to the other as she  walked across the room and to the door.

“Now, don’t look like that,” she said, laughing in this light, energetic way that had everyone wanting to laugh with her. “I’m sure it’s just Mom and Dad! And then we can finally go to the feast and eat, I’m starving.”

A nd with that, she sweepingly opened the door.

He could hear a soft voice, a very familiar one, saying hello to his sister. Niro turned around a little, getting up to his feet as well to see what was happening. Maven was standing in the frame, looking somewhat anxious and sad, gaze turned downwards, hands folded behind his back, as he talked.  He felt his heart sinking even deeper with every second, realization sinking in of something he didn’t even quite know yet. But it already felt like the floor was ripped away from under his feet, leaving him falling, falling, ever fallin g .

“No,” he could hear Ally say, far away, like she was talking through fog. He looked up. She was shaking her head violently, teeth biting into her lip strongly, drawing blood. She had her hands curled to fists, stiff against the sides of her body as they both listened to the court physician talking.

“I’m… I’m so sorry,” he said, and he actually sounded like he was. “There was a riot… no one had expected this to happen… I’m afraid your parents both didn’t survive.”

No.  
No.

_Mom._

_Dad._

_No._

“That’s not… that’s not right,” Niro mumbled but no one seemed to hear him. “It shouldn’t be—it shouldn’t be them, it should be—should be…”

But no one was listening to him. What did it matter anyway?

_Dad_ . No.  _Mum_ _,_ no, that… that wasn’t possible. It shouldn’t be them. It didn’t make sense at all.  It wasn’t right. And if it was them, why did he feel like he was  the one  dying? He wanted to switch.

He wanted to switch places,  _now_ .

He wanted to be the one dead, wanted to be caught in a riot, eaten by that bloody velvet cat that morning, should have let his sister use her power to much and drain him of energy until he didn’t exist anymore.  Or better yet, he should have died at birth, just like every other colorless twin before him had done as well.

Why couldn’t he just have died? Why couldn’t he just have died? Why couldn’t he just never have been born?

“I’m sorry,” Maven said again. He hadn’t even heard him talk for the past couple minutes. “We—we’re not entirely sure how that could have happened.” He gritted his teeth. “Some of the guards made it out, I’m treating them now, as we speak.”

“WHY?” Ally’s loud voice usually made Niro jump, but now he didn’t care, didn’t even really hear it. He was numb. Why couldn’t he just never have been born? Why couldn’t he have died like every other twin? Why was he punished like that? “WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY THE ONES ALIVE WHEN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO _PROTECT_ OUR PARENTS?”

M aven staggered back a bit, obviously taken by surprise, before he caught himself and reached out to put a hand on Ally’s shoulder in a comforting manner. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered again. “And I’m sure so are they. They failed in their job to protect them. If it’s any consolation, I’m sure there’ll be some consequences for them.”

“It’s NOT,” Aline seethed, stepping back and brushing his hand off with a strong movement. “IT’S NOT BECAUSE THIS ISN’T WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED! WHY AREN’T THEY THE ONES DEAD WHEN IT WAS THEIR ENTIRE JOB TO KEEP OUR PARENTS ALIVE?”  


“It just wasn’t in the gods’ will,” Maven said softly. “They can be glad they made it out alive, because according to them, it was a close call. They almost didn’t make it out alive—”

“THEN THEY SHOULD HAVE DIED!” Ally screeched, her voice jumping up several octaves, hurting in Niro’s ears.

_Why couldn’t I just have died?_

“THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST DIED… as long… AS LONG AS THEY… as they… IF THEY’D JUST… if they’d…” She broke off into hopeless sobs, and her knees buckled, her legs not supporting her any longer as she slid to the floor, sitting there and clutching her chest as she let out a soundless scream, a scream coming from so deep within and from a place from so much pain, that no sound could have ever made it justice.

It hurt to see it.

_I should have died. This wouldn’t have happened if I’d never even been born. Or at least I wouldn’t have to be around to see it._

“I’m so sorry,” Maven said again, but this time he didn’t get close, watching from a safe distance as Ally cried her soul out, losing bit after bit with every single tear that soundlessly streamed over her cheek. “I’m so—” He choked a little. “I’m sorry. I hope you know you’re not alone, of course you’ll be staying here. You can… I’ll leave you for now, to your grief. You can visit the morgue whenever you’re ready, to make arrangements and say your goodbyes.”

A line let out an angry, anguished, choked sob, but she looked up at him, eyes full of a new kind of fire. “I’ll be sure to kill those so-called security guards while I’m at it,” she forced out, strained voice seething with hatred. “ Tell them to keep an eye out for me, because I will be coming for them. Let them fear me.”

T he physician hesitated for a second, obviously unsure whether to take her seriously or not.  He let out a small huff, saying “I’m terribly sorry for your loss. I’ll be in my office if you need anything, someone will come to take care of everything soon,” and left, closing the door behind him carefully.

N iro was still just standing there as Ally finally allowed herself to cry out her pain, screaming it out as she clutched at her chest and her red hair as if she wanted to rip the agony out of her, no matter how much blood it took.  The sight of her wanted to make him scream as well, but he couldn’t. Whenever he tried, the sound just caught in his throat, making him choke on it.  He wanted to go to her, help her, but he couldn’t do that either. Because he couldn’t move.

Because he was useless, and all he wanted to do was just  _not exist_ . Why had he been forced into this world?  _I should never have been born._

He didn’t know how much time passed, but at some point Ally didn’t seem to have any tears left and was just cowering on the floor, sobbing occasionally. He was still standing there, not having moved since Maven had left.  Ally let out a last dry sob, then turned around, her eyes lost, as if she had forgotten where she was, what day it was, and who she herself used to be.

Her eyes landed on Niro, the look in them blank and empty, only for a second. Then something inside of her snapped  and she scrambled towards him, wrapping her arms around him tightly.

“I’m so, _s-so_ sorry,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and raw from all the screaming and crying. “I’m—I’m so sorry. I’m crying and here you are, being s-so freaking brave, I’m s-so s-s-sorry. Not again though”, she said shakily, her grip tightening. “Never again. I’ll take care of you, little brother, I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of the SL Discord Writing Event for the Winter, the prompt I used is quite obviously: one or more of your characters end up crying on Christmas.  
> Well, they did.


End file.
